I don’t want to type these words. Sometimes I don’t want to type any word or thought or emotion. Sharing makes me nervous. And to share my thoughts without any real organization of them terrifies me!
But I feel that I need to write. Maybe in the back of my mind I think it will provide therapy or . . . OMG . . . I’ll find answers!
I’m trapped inside myself; captivated by my own fears. The biggest fear . . . expression and acceptance of who I am. There! You know my weakness! lol
I don’t like reading long blogs or long . . . anything. I just don’t like reading. So I’ll try not to share so much in one sitting.Now that that’s out of the way – Hey! It’s MY blog!
I went to JoAnn’s to purchase art paper. Wow – talk about nerve racking. I received an easel and paint set for Christmas. I’ve held off moving forward with painting because I’m terrified at what will come out. I also have never painted before; yet have always wanted to try. I can’t draw a straight line to save my life.
Walking through the store I felt anxious and claustrophobic. I was about to attempt something (painting) without knowing anything about it. What type of paper do I buy, brushes, how to create colors, what medium for the acrylics . . . way to many thoughts flooding me and creating such fear. I briefly skimmed through a few books to try and ease my anxiety but . . . just stopped. I just want to put color on white paper.
I took a breath and picked up a pad of “all purpose” paper good for any type of paint and some few other supplies and walked out. I’m sure everything will sit in my studio until I get another move of the spirit to actually start painting. But at least I took a step.
Yeah! I’m writing . . .